I am a mom, nurse and teacher. I have walked through death as a loved one, as a supporter and as an educator. I find that, while death is sad, we add unneeded trauma to it. The families live with guilt after the funeral, caretakers carry burdens home with them after their shifts and educators avoid the topic because it isn't on the standardized exams.
After working in Oncology and Trauma ICU for years, death was not an everyday occurrence but a frequent one. Death often came suddenly adding stress and traumatic emotions to the situation. Care takers only had tools and techniques learned on the job. Families grasped at straws that frequently were saturated in disbelief and anger. The trauma from the death far surpasses the moment the heart stopped.
As a Nurse Educator I am pushing the envelope to ensure my students have tools to deal with death. They need the tools to care for patients, families and themselves. This isn't about post mortem cares, death is so much more than the physical loss of life. I teach the emotional tools and help them gain experience in a safe environment. We work through the grieving process and understand the impact of what we, as caretakers, bring into the room of the dying patient.
As a mom, I practice what I preach. I discuss death with my children. We work through loss together. I educate them about the different options as far as what "everything" means. Ranging in ages from 8-18, the conversations are different with each of them; unique to the age and the personality. My children will never have to be traumatized by guilt, I have given them the gift of my wishes.
My passion is to minimize the trauma that death can create. Death is sad, end is sad but we don't have to live with guilt of not knowing.
