I was introduced to others people hatred for me when I was 5 years old.
I grew up in a country where everyone knew who I was and hated me for it.
I was systematically abused by a society that didn't want me to exist.
I have had my reputation destroyed, been spat on, peed on, stoned, publicly humiliated, physically assaulted, and raped, in addition to being verbally abused every day of my life. Much of it happened before I turned 16, some of it in my earliest childhood.
I essentially grew up and developed my self image knowing that I was hated by almost everyone around me (and if the treatment I received left any doubt, they made sure to tell me).
After two decades of this, I truly believed it was impossible for me to be happy. In fact, in 2015 I decided that if I couldn't be happy before 2020, I was going to kill myself.
I was 25 years old and had just dropped out of university due to depression. I moved back in with my parents, returned to a dead end job that I hated, and couldn't imagine any future for myself. Due to all my trauma, I had struggled with my mental health for most of my life and after trying to change every single thing I could, I had finally almost given up. Almost.
I had a an epiphany: if I could change everything outside of myself and still be miserable, if my brain was powerful enough to override every external change and keep me miserable, wasn't it powerful enough to do the opposite? Couldn't it somehow keep me happy when my external circumstances weren't perfect?
So for the next few years I worked on myself. I made the decision to be happy in spite of everything else - to get to a point that even if nothing else changes outside of me, even if I have to stay in my current situation, I will be happy. That my happiness will never again be dependent on anything. And I achieved it.
Through working on myself, I learned to see how traumatized people often perpetuate our own victim narratives and hold ourselves down. This doesn't mean that there aren't circumstances outside of ourselves that contribute to this, it simply means we can determine the degree to which this affects us mentally. This is important when you are something people will always hate, someone who will always have hatred looking straight into your eyes.
In my shows, I share my unique life story, the hatred I faced and the philosophy of happiness I developed from it.
Happiness is a choice. It is not something you have to wait for, it is not something that has to come from achievement, it only has the restrictions you place on it. Choose happiness. I can help you.
